A Little Bit About High School

I was lucky enough to have an amazing childhood with two loving parents and a nice, close elementary school filled with caring teachers and a lot of friends. So, when middle school hit and my parents decided to send me to a parochial school for three years, I was nervous but it turned out just fine. Neither of those schools were a problem, they were delightful. But when it was time for high school, my mom and dad gave me a choice - did I want to continue at a private Christian academy 30 minutes away or did I want to go back to the public school with the students I'd known back in elementary? Seemed like a no-brainer to me - an hour in a car each day to meet a bunch of new kids again (and where the cafeteria was all vegetarian), or a five minute commute to reunite with my old buddies and attack some pepperoni pizza each day?

I was excited!

And -- very quickly -- disillusioned.

On day one, my new bullies immediately gravitated directly to me, orbiting until it was time for the crash. "Nice mustache," one of them said to me by the vending machines. (Cool in high school, unless you're a girl, which... you know. I am.) Later that day, another one said, "Hey, can I call you Schnoz?" (Yep, my nose is a little oversized for my face.) In the lunch line: "B**ch." (There was no preamble or explanation to this. A guy just looked at me and labeled.) And, on the bus on the way home, I overheard (very clearly) from the back, "Hey, did you see Stephanie [Maiden Name] is back at our school? Boy, she got ugly."

The distance between confidence and zero self-esteem, for me, was the walk from my mom's car dropping me off that morning to the doors of the building in which I'd spend seven hours a day, five days a week, for the next four years. I was smart, I was nice, I was helpful, I was good at things like singing and writing... yet I was almost instantaneously shoved into a corner filled with anxiety, worthlessness, and depression creating a massive inferiority complex that I battle to this day, over thirty years later. Were some kids nice? Of course, and I'm still grateful for them. Would it have been a completely different experience if there were MORE of the nice ones and FEWER bullies (or like... none? None of those?) Of course! Do I still fret about this sometimes? Sure do. I'm nearly 48 years old and here I am on a random Monday, writing a blog post about how much I hated high school.

Why does this matter? Because there are still kids who bully and kids who are bullied. There are new ways to experience it, too - social media, text messages - and it's even more rampant because people are more likely to say negative things if they don't need to do it to your face. It's even more lasting because of the virality - drop something online and, even if it's taken down, the effect has already been achieved. People see it, they don't forget it. I'm rather glad there wasn't a picture of my face in profile that became the 'Schnoz Girl Meme' for the rest of my life - at least I escaped that fresh hell. But that's the fresh hell kids live in now.

This is why, as a person and as an author, I focus on Love, Kindness, Acceptance, and Inclusion. Because - who cares if some kid has too much facial hair or a big nose? They probably have 75 things in common with you and you guys could have a great time hanging out together. We have always needed to teach the children in our lives these values, but it gets exponentially more important each day.

SO...

How do we teach them these things?

We model it for them. WE have to be loving, and kind, and accepting, and inclusive. We have to suck it up when we're cut off in traffic, we have to be patient in a long line at the pharmacy, we have to appreciate other people out loud, we have to compliment someone, anyone, everyone... in short, we have to be better than we were the day before. We also have to show kids that same love, kindness, acceptance, and inclusion. It's not just for other adults, it's for everyone. Everyone we come in contact with should know that they matter - including children. Including OUR children. We have a tendency to be on our best behavior for others and drop that 'act' when we get back home. Nope. If we can be kind to someone else's kid that's at our house on a play date, we can be kind to our own kid.

I'm talking to myself here, too. Don't think I'm being all preachy. This is hard stuff - ridiculously hard, because we don't live in a world where this is the norm. But, one of my favorite Gandhi quotes is, "Be the change you wish to see in the world," and that's just the advice I need to keep going. I hope it helps you, too. Because we can all use a lot more Love, Kindness, Acceptance, and Inclusion right now.

-Stephanie