Carry On

You know that thing where your entire life keeps getting in the way of the things you WANT to do? The things you NEED to do pile up and, every time you think there might be an hour free coming up for you to enjoy something you're passionate about, a kid gets a random fever or your dog escapes the house or someone hits your mailbox or you roll your ankle in the driveway and can't walk for a week or you get a flat tire or... you know: LIFE.

That's been 2025 for me. Things just keep slapping me in the face out of nowhere and it's sailed past annoying right into enraging. How does one who believes so firmly in Love, Kindness, Acceptance, and Inclusion continue to be loving, kind, accepting, and inclusive when one just wants to scream

LEAVE ME THE #*)@^&%^ ALONE!?

Oh, were you expecting an answer? I'm sorry. I do not have one. I know that I AM carrying on. I do a lot of praying, so there's that. I've tried stretching and deep breathing. A little 'me-time' like those delightfully hot bubble baths or that 'Drop Things Into a Hole' game on my phone that makes no sense. But the thing I can't seem to do is - let go of things I can't control.

OR... realize that I can't really control anything.

I'm curious as to how much of my life - my time, my effort, my headspace - I have wasted over the years trying to control things I can't control. Other people's words or actions? Nope. Whether or not my child will listen to and follow directions? Nope. Traffic? Nopers. Emergencies? Nah. Where God wants me at any given time? NOOOPE. And that whole 'let go and let God' thing? Maddening. Why doesn't He delegate to me? I'm just itching to be in charge! You can see it all over my face! Read it in my body language! Hear it in my voice! I'VE GOT THIS! PUT ME IN, COACH!

N o p e.

So, what then? What CAN I control?

My own attitude and reactions. My own tone of voice as I respond to others. My own words as they come out of my mouth, hopefully filtered through my own brain, as harried and frustrated as it might be up in there. My own facial expressions during each conversation. My own choices as I walk through the mire of the day. My own prayers as I attempt to align myself with His plan. My own focus on the type of person I want to be regardless of what's thrown at me. And my own ability to apologize to myself and to others when I don't reach the bar most days.

But definitely not my dachshunds.

Carry on,

-Stephanie