The Chemical See-Saw

When you have a chemical imbalance in your brain, through no fault of your own, it’s difficult to understand. Why am I so depressed? Nothing’s really wrong, anyway - I’m no more stressed than normal, so why am I gaining all this weight and not wanting to leave my room or be around people or go outside? Why am I sleeping all the time?

Photo Credit Pascal Bernardon

It’s like when you’re a kid on the playground, waiting for your friend to get on the other side of the see-saw, and some big jerk comes and sits there. Here you are, floating in the air, unable to come down, but knowing there’s going to be a crash when he jumps up all of a sudden and lets you fall. It’s coming. You don’t know when, but you know it will.

But, behold - some angel from across the way, near the slide, sees what’s happening and comes to run interference. The teacher puts her hands on your side of that teeter-totter and calmly directs the big meano to climb off his side. She holds you up and gently brings you back down to the ground instead of the massive ka-chunk that was going to rattle your brain and traumatize you enough to send you spiraling every time recess was imminent for the rest of your life. The mean kid saunters off to taunt someone else and you, because of the re-balancing, are now free to be yourself and go about your business.

That’s what it’s like to take the right medication for your chemical imbalance. Instead of the depression, anxiety, and constant concern about ‘what’s wrong with me’ or ‘am i crashing? am i going to crash?’, the meds will bring you back to a state of equilibrium where you once again feel secure, feel like yourself, and can enjoy the things you enjoyed before.

Does someone always need meds? No.

Are there times when you just feel depressed? Sure! Everyone goes through that.

But there’s a difference between just feeling depressed because you’re stressed/sad and having a chemical imbalance that’s causing the depression.

Why the heck am I even telling you this? Because your mental health is just as important as your physical health, and the same is true for children.

Last year, my ten-year-old told me he’d been thinking about suicide. This incredible, smart, talented, beautiful child who was born to me after over a decade of infertility, this miracle child, this love-of-my-life … didn’t want to be around anymore. I felt like someone had landed a roundhouse kick into my heart.

Luckily, I have zero stigma attached to mental health issues - within my family are anxiety, depression, bipolar, addiction, OCD, and any number of other illnesses, so I have no problem going to a doctor and a therapist to get whatever combination of therapy and medication is needed to put me back on the right path … and that freedom extended immediately to my precious child.

The number one key for us was (and is, always) communication. There is no shame, no judgment in my conversation or questions with him or any of my children. I want all of them to always feel comfortable telling me anything, whether they think it’s good or bad, and I attempt to listen more than talk. Once I have the lay of the land and they’ve said all they want to say, we make a plan.

This led to step two and three: our plan included getting him into a new therapist who was a good fit (because the last one was NOT), and discussing with his psychiatrist the need for something else along with his ADHD meds. Knowing that ‘talk and exercise and sunshine and water’ will help is important. Knowing that meds may be necessary is just as important, and being willing and able to take them regularly (as prescribed) is vital.

Then, we initiated mental health check-ins - at first daily, then every few days, then weekly, now monthly. He was also encouraged to check in with ME - ask me how I was doing, what I’d been thinking about recently, etc. so I could be honest with him and model trust and accountability.

The result of that has been better for our overall relationship regardless of our mental health situations, and I’d encourage this for all parents even if there is no anxiety or depression in either of you. Someday there MIGHT be, and this will put you ahead of the curve with communication, comfort levels, and trust. Something as simple as, “Hey! Let’s do a feeling check! Right now I’m feeling a little sad because of the dreary weather and a little nervous because I have to go to the doctor tomorrow and I am worried that my tummy ache might not go away soon. How are you feeling, buddy?” This sets them (and you) up for success as they get older.

I tell you all of that to tell you this: the meds and the therapy have helped me child to navigate some of the hardest days of his young life (so far) and I have before me a healthy and happy pre-teen boy. Yesterday for Mother’s Day, he was attentive to my feelings, asked me lots of questions and initiated conversation, was vocal about his own needs while cognizant of mine, and seeing the difference between the boy last year and the boy this year made it the best Mother’s Day I’ve ever had. He laughed, he smiled, he talked, he explored the botanical gardens, he dreamed, he walked with me, he ate a healthy amount, and he told me how much he loved me.

Nothing compares to knowing you have a happy, healthy child.

I want to encourage you to teach your kids about their mental health as early as possible. I want you to let them know there is no shame and no stigma in any of this. I want you to model good communication, show them they can trust you. I want you to present healthy behavior with therapy and meds if you’re on them and talk about them in positive ways even if you’re not. If you have friends or family members who are comfortable being a role model, get them involved as well. “Aunt Sarah, how is your mental health since you started taking your new meds? What kind of changes have you noticed in the last month?” “Grandma, I love seeing you smile! What do you think of your new therapist? Thank you so much for being open with us about how you are feeling.”

I wouldn’t be who I am without a sister who’s been open and honest her whole life about her mental health issues, who has done so much to erase the stigma and prove to others the importance of caring for you brain just as well as the rest of your body, who talks to me and encourages me to talk to her, who makes me feel safe in my own skin, who directs me to the help I need when I need it, and who has never once judged me for any reason. BE that person for someone else, especially for your children.

It makes a world of difference.

It might even save a life.

SJS