The Best Laid Plans

I am that girl who lives for January 1st. Fresh starts, new planners, a clean slate, goals, organizing, cleaning. New beginnings, new year, new me, blah blah blah. Every year, on the day after Christmas, I get up at 5am and shop with my mom and sister to get a bunch of half-off stuff for the next year (wrapping paper, gift bags, decorations, cards, presents) and then I begin the hunt for The Perfect Planner for the New Year.

The Perfect Planner for the New Year

The Perfect Planner for the New Year contains some elements that I can absolutely pinpoint for you: it needs to have a monthly overview where it shows a whole month's calendar at the beginning of the month; it needs to have a space for each day of the week on the subsequent pages so I can write information in detail for each day; it needs to have a side tab for 'notes' which is where I scribble things I need to do but haven't planned a specific date for and books I've finished reading so I don't forget at the end of the year. The Perfect Planner for the New Year also contains some intangibles that I can't particularly describe but I know them when they are present: the way it feels in my hands; the vibe I get from the cover and inside pages; the size (which absolutely varies each year but has to be right). Having The Perfect Planner for the New Year gives me a sense of excitement, of hope, of motivation. I will DO THE THINGS this year! I will lose the weight, I will find the peace, I will run the 5K, I will write the book, I will save the money!

And, along with that, the general feel of the new year greets me. I wake up on January 1st early, ready to tackle the day, the week, the month, the whole year ahead. I spend time in devotional reading, journaling, walking/exercising, deep breathing, planning - it's like a drug.

But this year? This year, I had shingles and then pneumonia back-to-back. I haven't been able to stop coughing, every plan I had for the new year fell apart before it even began, and my energy level is lower than it usually is after two weeks of festive eating. On January 1, I slept in. On January 2, I slept in. And when I say 'slept in', I don't mean an extra hour. I mean, I was not awake and alert until nearly noon. I cried. I got angry. I coughed.

How do I work through disappointment, keep my motivation, and maintain a positive attitude? Gee, Stephanie, when you put it that way - don't be so hard on yourself! It's okay to be overwhelmed! It's okay to cry or to be angry, things didn't go how you wanted or expected or maybe even how you deserved.

Isn't it funny how we can give ourselves these affirmations but, when it comes to our children, we expect more from them? When they're disappointed, they lose motivation. They lose their positive attitude. They cry. They get angry. They act out. And what do we do? We typically try to get them to be positive, to stop crying, to 'feel differently'. We want them to basically just 'knock it off' because that's how life is, right? It's disappointing! Hey, Chuck E. Cheese is closed because of a water main break so you'll have to pivot and we'll do something else even though that's what you had your heart set on for the last three days so suck it up.

Why should we treat our children with any less grace than we'd treat our best friend in a moment of disappointment? Why should we expect more from them than we'd expect from ourselves when nothing works out the way we wanted it to?

We shouldn't. Tiny humans are just that: human. It's up to us to guide them, to allow them to feel their feelings and express them in a safe and healthy way. When I am angry at my brother, I might feel like punching him, but I don't. It's ok to feel the anger, it's just not ok to punch someone. It's ok to write about it, to punch a pillow, to take a run, to say how I feel out loud, to pray, to scream a little, to cry. I've done all those things as an adult. I do them on a regular basis. Because I'm human.

Let's help our kids be human, too.

-Stephanie